Thursday, April 29, 2010

Do You Bite Your Thumb At Me, Sir?

Yes, I do bite my thumb, sir, but I do not bite my thumb at you, sir.

Everyone needs a little Shakespeare in the afternoon.

So, I'm a food snob. I just need to accept this. I have gotten to the point where I wont even eat fruit if I suspect it was grown across the pond. I'd rather go hungry than eat something that will make me feel the bloat of processed sodium based foods. I've started leaving parties hungry. I never used to do that.

The greatest offenders:
5. Yogurt.

Dannon? Yoplait? I don't care what brand you slap on it all that stuff is gross. Even that Stoneyfield Farm stuff is creepy. Real yogurt is gloppy. That is the best adjective I can come up with. I will say it is just short of chunky. It needs honey or something in it to make it palatable. Really great yogurt is not creamy. Cream is creamy, yogurt is not.

4. Ketchup.

My hate for this is nearly shocking to my younger self. I used to eat it A LOT. I put it on eggs, burgers, really anything starchy. Now I prefer my eggs either fried or scrambled with local cheese and sausage inside and generous salt and pepper on top. Burgers are also better with local cheese and not much else. Sometimes not even a bun, I won't start on processed bread.

I sometimes still do eat some ketchup but largely I think the plastic bottled stuff tastes like metal. When you were a kid did you ever lick a bloody wound? That is what ketchup tastes like to me now.

3. Red Delicious Apples.

Not delicious. Local apples are the best thing that every happened to me. Fiance is tired of them. We've been eating them almost exclusively (save for a short pear season this year) since October. I could eat them four times a day forever and ever. Red delicious apples are mealy even when they're fresh. Even the smell of them makes me gag a little. It is sort of this cardboard aroma combined with what I'm sure worm guts smell like.

I could totally eat a local berry right now, don't get me wrong, but I am just fine with the fujis from Toigo.

2. Turkey bacon.

After college I lived on this stuff. I was so sure it was good for me. Then I read about how it is made. I won't even go into it, just google it if you dare.

Real bacon please, thanks.

1. Pizza.

I realize this is not a whole food but a group of other foods. It actually combines some of my snob-feelings of 1-4. Processed cheese, flavorless. processed tomato product, metal. Processed meat, pressed and not actual meat. The concept of chain pizza frightens me and frozen pizza is the biggest waste of money ever. Homemade pizza could not be easier.

There are few things I enjoy being snobby about more than saving money and eating well. Pizza wins.


Martha Patzer said...

you are getting married so i forgive you for not blogging since april.

Class factotum said...

5. However, yogurt made from cream (buy it at the Vietnamese grocery store) is fabulous.

3. Real bacon from that smokehouse in middle Tennessee is soooo good.

1. I make my own pizza.