I had to write myself a letter. This time I needed to recommit. Last time I was setting the ground rules. The contents of the new letter were a bit different but the goals and the tone were the same. Really what I had forgotten was this key piece:
"First, stop eating when you aren't hungry. This is the root of almost every problem you have. You go to the fridge when you're bored, tired, stressed or pretty much anything else. This makes you unhappy. So basically all your emotions go in your mouth and when they come out you are unhappy. Essentially you're making yourself unhappy for simply having feelings. Stop it. You love yourself more than that."
I haven't been taking care of myself. I mean I've been showering and eating meals but I haven't been actively loving myself. The irony of eating my feelings is that I actually like the feeling of hunger. I get great satisfaction from eating a tasty meal, digesting and then becoming hungry again.
The other thing I did was remind me that I needed to move forward rather than beat myself up. Wasting emotion on feeling bad about the poor choices I made wont make them disappear. In fact, it'll probably cause me to eat those feelings too.
I'm also choosing to look at through another positive lens. That is, this could have become a wagon jump like the two times I gave up Weight Watchers and spent 3 years coming back each time. This time I stopped myself right away, just when I was starting to feel really gross. Rather than wallow I chose to remind myself of the choices I prefer to make and recommitted.
I sound like a cult leader and dammit I'm thrilled.