Thursday, January 7, 2010


Tell me you don't love analogies and metaphors and I'll call you a big fat liar. Comparisons are a writer's best friend. By writer I don't mean me on this blog. I mean someone who is in the act of conveying thoughts which is, um, almost everyone. You convey thoughts in writing regularly, probably more often than you realize.

Growing up I was the worst writer ever. No really, my parents could tell you story upon story about how I could not figure out how to write. One day, my father, a lover or writing for the sake of writing, told me that writing is just a person conveying thoughts. Somehow, that clicked in my brain like nothing an English teacher had told me before. Duh!

Instructions for a writer:

1. Think thoughts.
2. Write them down.
3. Make them pretty. (optional)

After my writing epiphany metaphors and I were like this. Okay, so maybe I'm not that good at the whole conveying thing because now I'm trying to type with my fingers crossed. Like this I tell you.

So here is my latest metaphor:

Weight management is like a toddler bed. No, really. For some children it isn't necessary. For some children it is necessary and sticks around for way too long. For some children it might be unnecessary but for some weird reason it exists for a while and disappears. I thought about creating a side by side analysis of how all these things are true but I'll spare you and give you my best examples.

Children it is necessary for.
Toddler bed is to weight management as rolling onto the floor is to an addiction to office chocolates.

Children it is necessary for but sticks around for too long.
Toddler bed is to weight management as new-baby-attention-jealousy is to bad karma/emotional eating from family death/house fires/job loss trends.

Children for whom it exists for some weird reason.
Toddler bed is to weight management as Mom-works-three-jobs-and-doesn't-have-time-to-move-furniture is to Mom-works-three-jobs-and-doesn't-have-time-to-go-to-the-grocery-store.

PS: Similes also rock.

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