An excerpt from my journal, page one:
This journal is a testament to my commitment to you. It will include all the food and calories you consume and workouts as well.
The point is to care for yourself, feel good and be positive about your body image.
I promise to write down anything that passes my lips and try my best to make good choices. This does not deny me fun but simply allows me to make the best overall decision for what is best for body and soul!
So, if you're still reading and haven't run screaming in the other direction while telling your coworkers about the insane girl who writes letters to herself on the internet allow me to expound on the letter above.
First, lets journey back to that birthday I mentioned just before I fell off the face off the (blog) Earth. I was starting to get tired of being so hungry all the time. The italics don't even do the hunger justice. I had started teaching spinning classes regularly, was trying to lift three times a week and generally tried to burn calories in a healthful way. I will say, my workout habits are probably not 'normal' or 'average'. I know most people go on runs every once in a blue moon or join a gym they occasionally visit. Thats just not my style. Endorphins are my drug of choice, thanks. I can honestly tell you I have never tried pot, nope, never, and clearly don't need it. Endorphins anytime please! Besides, I'm crazy enough without help...wait, where was I goi...right birthday.
Right around my birthday I decided Weight Watchers wasn't working for me anymore. In the recent past my eating has totally changed. I've gone from what my fiance calls 'eating all my Weight Watchers points in cookies' to being one half of a couple that buys everything - even meat and eggs at the farmer's market. I swear to you, in the last two weeks, the only thing I've purchased at Harris Teeter is milk and almond butter. If the farmer's market sold these things, I would purchase them there. So now you're sitting there at your desk thinking, ugh, waking up during the weekend to purchase food at a special location sounds like eating a fuzzy lollipop. Not long ago I was SO WITH YOU.
However! My commitment to myself has given me the ability to understand the value of putting certain things in my mouth and not others. Lets revist those endorphins. Working out makes me feel good! Its like eating your favorite food or watching your favorite crap reality tv show. In other words, its all about me. I work out because I like the way I feel, I eat quality food because I like the way it makes me feel (and not feel). This is not to say I don't eat the occasional cheeto. But the reason I make the effort to go to the gym (besides now working there part time) and go to the farmer's market and eat well isn't because I wish to lord it over those who don't. Its because I am all about me! I love me! And my letter is a testament to that. When I want the whole super size bag of cheetos, all I have to do is reread my letter and I remember that, actually, cheetos, while a few are tasty, aren't going to make me feel good after the first 5 or 10.
It'll take me a while to fully explain how my journaling works, why it works for me, how its still sort of a work in progress but here is the gist - to feel good, to be happy, to be productive the way I want to be - my eating habits are all about ME!