Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Woman! Control Yourself!

Like most girls in high school I had a first row seat in the show that was Eating Disorder-rama. This show has since updated itself. Disordered eating can be defined in a million ways. You don't have to be anorexic or bulemic to have a disorder. Binging without purging is just as much of a disorder. Add a new act to the show folks. A disorder called orthorexia has been identified. One of my new favorite books discusses this at least a bit. An orthorexic is someone who is obssessed with healthy eating.

Now, if you know anything about disorders or even mental health, you know that really, almost all of this has to do with control. Those who struggle with eating disorders, obssessive complusions or even your average anal rentative are really struggling with control in their lives. You may be reading this thinking, gosh, people are so messed up, I am not like that at ALL. Um, this is me bursting your bubble, cause, POP. Yea, you are, we all are. Everyone needs to control something in their lives. Some people fold their shirts a certain way (ahem, I live with this person), some people organize their car a certain way and some people count calories.

I am to be counted in the last group. Now, I'd like to seperate myself from the orthorexics and the control freaks. And often, I think my beahviors are mostly healthy though not obsessiv and not only because the things I had for dinner last night include but are not limited to beer, chicken kabobs, phyllo and cheese pie and chips and salsa (What? It was Labor Day.). I'm willing to admit that at least some of my journaling habits have to do with control. You could argue that because I was overwieght and worked to overcome those poor habits, I have replaced them with these new habits. Psychoanalyze me all you want, no really, I wanted to be a psychologist in high school, I find it fascinating.

To further explain what my journaling looks like, I give you another entry from my journal:

I typed this out in an excel chart but actually write it in a moleskin journal. A bit of a code key for you: B= breakfast, S= snack, L= lunch, D= dinner, WO = work out, p= protein, fv= fruits and vegetables, wg= whole grain and extras are um, extra things that don't fit into my other columns.

The goal is to try to fit my calories into the protein, fruits and vegetables or whole grain categories. You'll see on this day I worked out and even ended up in the negative. This is not a big deal. Shocking! I know, shocking! Calorie obsessor goes in the negative? Well this has to do with my equation for calories per day, which I'll tell you about another time. But basically, here is today's lesson: I found myself some habits, because human nature means I have habits and so I might as well pick good ones. These habits include counting calories and trying to fit those calories into quality categories. Orthorexic? Eh, who knows. Doing my best? Why, yes!

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